Why Isn't The Accelerator Working? Have You Flooded The Engine

So you are in the race, the go-kart race of your life. You're in the C-suite pole position… you've got this…

But secretly you know there is something not quite right in your build. One of the back wheels is a little wobbly, but the race is really soon, and everyone around you really expects you to win.

Then out of nowhere they pop their head into your shed. They know you probably have wobbly wheels, some elastic bands, and some peeling electrical tape holding things together. And then they tell you something you've been waiting to hear…

Rockets4U: "We have an accelerator, and it will make you win!"

As the weight of the world lifts off your shoulders, this could be it. I might be able to use this instead of fixing the wobbly wheel. Excellent.

Mr C: "So how does the accelerator work?"

Rockets4U: "Well, we are rocket scientists, and we've built an accelerator for your go-kart."

Mr C: "Fantastic, how long will it take to install?"

Rockets4U: "80% of the work is out of the box, then we just need to tweak it to fit your particular go-kart design."

Mr C: "Sign me up, that's fantastic. The race is in a few days, everyone will be happy, and I can relax."

Luckily, someone overheard the conversation, and would you believe it, it is none other than your friend GoKart Fred, the go-kart expert.

He hadn't seen this particular solution before, but as GoKart Fred already knew, just as we all know, if they are named ‘accelerator’ they are always… [no spoilers 😉]

GoKart Fred: "I'm not sure adding rocket technology to the go-kart is a good idea, the physics seem a bit off, you might not win the race, it might become a complex lengthy build. I would probably fix the wobbly wheel, won't take 5 minutes."

Rockets4U: "Ah, don't worry, we're experts in adding rocket propulsion to go-karts, you don't need to think about physics, we handle the physics for you, it's all built in."

Mr C: "Don't worry GoKart Fred, 80% is out of the box, the terms are good and it's supported."

Rockets4U: "Sign here 😊"

Phew… Ok, I don't know about you, but I know I'm feeling much better. GoKart Fred always worries… these people are rocket scientists, if anyone knows physics it is them, it's in their name!

Day before the race, we should have a check-in. Haven't seen the new go-kart accelerator in action yet, very excited.

Mr C: "How is it going, are we ready to blast past the competition?"

Rockets4U: "It's going great"

Mr C: "Thanks, this is superb, you've really brought this in"

Rockets4U: "We've installed the cryogenic fuel coupling, run the thermal shielding through the undercarriage, and the ion thruster array is calibrated for low-earth orbit. We should have the accelerator pedal installed really soon, definitely in the next few months."

Mr C: "Err… But the race is tomorrow."

Rockets4U: "Ah, yes. I think you had a wobbly wheel, so… you really should have fixed that before engaging."

Mr C: "Ah ok, I did have a wobbly wheel. But you will be ready for next year's race?"

Rockets4U: "Absolutely. There is actually a significant upgrade coming in winter that will make it even faster."

Mr C: "It will be fast enough I think, we don't need the enhancement."

Rockets4U: "Ah, well, by then we won't be supporting the current tech we're installing, so really, if you need support, you will need to upgrade."

Mr C: "Ah."

A few days later…

The phone rings, it's GoKart Fred, he always seems to know when you need him, he heard that you missed the race.

GoKart Fred: "Shall we get this rocket tech out and fix that wheel?"

Mr C: "Yes please, that would be amazing."

GoKart Fred rolls his sleeves up, pulls out his laptop, and starts looking for the removal instructions online.

GoKart Fred: "Hmm, there don't seem to be any instructions anywhere, it's all behind a paywall on the Rockets4U support portal."

Mr C: "Ah, I don't have a login for that, the project team set it up and they've all moved on."

GoKart Fred: "No problem, I'll give them a ring."

A few minutes later…

GoKart Fred: "Right, so the support line is a premium number, and the chap on the other end said removal is chargeable consultancy, starting at £1,200 a day. Also, the thermal shielding needs a proprietary socket to remove, which they will happily sell us for £400."

Mr C: "Ah."

GoKart Fred: "Don't worry, let me see what I can do."

GoKart Fred pulls his own tools out of the back of his van, gives the panels a good look, ignores the "do not remove, warranty void" stickers, and gets to work. An hour later, there is a neat pile of cryogenic fuel couplings, thermal shielding, and ion thruster components on the shed floor.

GoKart Fred looks at the pile. "Bin it?"

Mr C: "Bin it."

GoKart Fred notices Mr C glancing toward the shed door.

GoKart Fred: "I'll take it away in the van later. Nobody needs to see it. If anyone asks, we just say the project was paused pending review. These things happen."

Mr C: "Thank you Fred."

GoKart Fred: "Forget it. Let's get this wheel sorted."

He picks up a spanner from his back pocket, kneels down next to the back wheel, tightens one bolt, gives the wheel a little push. It rolls perfectly straight.

GoKart Fred: "There you go. Cup of tea?"

Mr C: "Yeah."

GoKart Fred: "And next time, maybe just give us a ring first."

Mr C: "Yeah, err, definitely" as he flicks through the Go-kart Hyperdrive brochure